Dating Speed Bumps

So while we are on the subject of the Scary Scary D word, there is something that I have found useful in my own dating life. I have learned to insert levels into my budding relationships and here is why. In a day in age where you meet someone, sleep with them on the first date, move in a week later and then break up two weeks later because things moved too fast, I would like to offer the answer to this dilemma of corruption in dating. The answer to the all of your questions regarding the above is DATING SPEED BUMPS. Explanation is as follows.

We are all tempted to jump in head first when we finally find a date that is not irreversibly screwed up, has all of his wits about him, as well as all of his teeth, and he is not a complete tool, we, as women, start picking out china patterns. We are so eager to take things to the next level to show that we care and seeking the approval of our guy so that we know that he cares and when it comes down to it, two weeks into the whole thing it is over. Has the phrase SLOW DOWN been lost on us? Obviously we dont practice this concept while driving down the street and that is one thing to be in a hurry to get to the next destination but on the highway of life and love, it is always better to go below the speed limit. There are ways in which to insert relationship speed bumps to really allow the relationship to take its course, giving it legitimacy and staying power. The following are my speed bump suggestions.

LETS DO LUNCH

I am a one woman campaign to resurrect lunch dates. I am such an advocate of lunch dates because of the countless benefits, especially with first dates and second dates. To me, lunch dates are much less formal than dinner dates. I love lunch time, a much needed mid-day break away from the office, so although scheduling and location can prove to be a bit of a problem, it is worth it. Lunch dates have a time frame, usually the standard one hour, so you are not stuck with someone all night long and then presented with the awkward good night kiss scenario as with dinner dates. Also, this provides a certain level of anonymity from people that you dont know that well. You can choose to meet them at the restaurant, so they dont know where you work, and you have someone to check in with when you get back to work, so the chances of abduction are slim. All in all, lunch dates are a fun little snack of a date that tides you over until dinner.

Their role as a speed bump is so valuable as well. Instead of going from dinner date to sleep over mate to roommate, you have a different path to follow when you start out with a lunch date. By starting with a lunch date, you get several chances to meet and talk in a casual setting, get to know each other, and then you can clearly decided if this person is someone with whom you choose to dine, or if he is just someone you are glad doesnt know how to get to your house. Either way, the benefits are innumerable.




HOLD THAT KISS

When it comes to getting physical, I know I am the first to admit that I have jumped too far too fast at times. By holding back a bit, it increases your mystery as well as gives you something to look forward to. Try to stay out of the sack on the first date, actually lets say DEFINITELY stay out of the sack on the first date. Maintain that dignity, please ladies. Ideally, I see it working best this way. First date, lets stick to the goodnight hug. Maybe second and third date lets do a combo deal, hug and peck. Then lets say fourth and fifth date, and even further as you see fit, a full on make out session is nice. Sixth and so on, maybe take it a bit further but definitely reserve the goodies for those whose hands havent been in everyone elses jars. In order to know where his hands (and all other appendages) have been, take the time to get to know him. I, myself, and know that many others have been guilty of writing sex off as something less than it is. It really is a pretty amazing thing and you should reserve it for someone who you feel so comfortable with and that you can really release and be yourself and have fun with it. I know it is old time-ish but I like to reserve the term making love for my conquests. I am pretty happy doing that, so I will. So just a quick diagram to recap:

Date 1 Date 2-3 Date 4-5 Date 6-
Goodnight hug Combo Make out Make out

By taking this route, you can still feel like you are showing that person that you are still interested without biting the bullet and just giving it up. This gives you more steps in which to ensure when you do make the decision to go to the next level that it is right.


GEOGRAPHICALLY SPEAKING

Okay, this is the part that always gives me trouble. I am fully aware of how incredibly annoying it is, especially living in a big city, to try to date someone who lives only 10 miles away but in Atlanta time (1 mile = 30 minutes) that is an eternity, especially when you have to fight traffic home from work. I kid you not; this has been the wrecking ball for at least two of my relationships in the past. I am really learning to deal with this and it is really such a simple thing. It is actually a problem whose solution is beneficial three fold. By not living together or in the same hood you are limited in seeing that person, especially for me, during the week. That is okay. This is another dating speed bump that helps limited over exposure to the other person. You get to know them the quality way, not the quantity way. For me, I am very appreciative of the fact when a person I am dating drives across town to hang out or have dinner or pick me up. Those are signs that he is not only considerate, he cares. I also try to be very considerate as well, going to his place sometimes or eating dinner in his hood to make the equal effort. I think that in the past the reason why this has presented a problem for me was because I was dating someone that I bottom line didnt trust. Dating seriously with a living situation that doesnt allow daily contact requires a lot of trust. This is just more reinforcement on why it is a good idea to take it slow in dating and it can be a really good thing to have somewhat of a geographical divide. It avoids overkill and also establishes a basis for trust and also gives you a next level to look forward to before jumping right into house and home with someone. Just practice some patience in this area and things will work out fine.

Dating speed bumps and humps and lumps are all here to help us all. They keep us from making poorly thought out decisions in the heat of the moment. It is the whole Aesop tortoise and hare situation. Stay focused, keep it clean and take it slow. I find my dating life a lot more guilt free and gratifying by doing so.