Vocabulary Lesson from a Southern Home

Vocabulary from the Stephenson's Southern Home

Recently, I began reading a book by the late Lewis Grizzard, an Atlanta columnist who spent his life defending southern customs, verbage and way of life from the dreaded yankees. The book entitled SOUTHERN BY THE GRACE OF GOD is absolutely delightful and in a world that seems to be trying to erradicate any trace of Southern pride and hospitality, it is refreshing to know that in Lewis Grizzard's column we Soutehrners found solice.

After reading a few chapters, I began reflecting on my own life growing up in L.A. (Southerns are aware of this abreviation, if you are not, then you do not deserve to know...) and the sayings and phrases that were unique to our household and that of our city and the South. Many of you will not find this humorous, and that is okay. My sister and I will get quite the laugh out of it, so it is not for naught.

The best way to introduce and explain these terms is to define the word, use it in a sentence then give a brief explaination.

1. "OLLIE"- the name our Aunt Carol, who babysat us growing up, designated for the male private parts.
Sentence: "It looks like he has a little diaper rash just left of his ollie "...

Of course, growing up in the South, and more specifically the "bible belt", we were never taught to call things there by their real names, scientific names or anything that resembled a vulgar word. So we scrape the bottom of the dictionary barrel for the most awkward and funny sounding word to make a joke of a very serious male part. If you can't find humor in diaper rash, what can you find humor in?

2. "Brotherhood Breakfast" and "Discipleship Training"- fancy words for male breakfast before church and the night version of Sunday School...another term that might need definition. SENTENCE: "We missed you at Brotherhood Breakfast this morning, but I hope to see you in Discipleship Training tonight".

You see, my sister and I, growing up as "PK"s (which I believe is a Yankee term for children of the preacher) were pretty much in the church every time the doors were open. I suspect that if a Northerner heard us talking about Brotherhood Breakfasts and Dicipleship traning classes they would wonder how the Klan got affiliated with the church, but it is quite the contrary. Just wanted to clear up a possible misunderstanding...

3. "Memaw"- the name designated to one of my grandmothers
SENTENCE- "Memaw died many years ago and we still miss her"

I am not quite sure how the naming comes about, whether she chose it for herself or it was given to her, but that was the name given to my father's mother. My sister and I grew up in her apartment amidst the smoking while on an oxygen machine. Those times are irreplaceable. Good old Memaw.

4. "Toodly Doo" and "Tinkle"- poop and pee respectively
SENTENCE: "Do you have to toodly doo or tinkle?"

So, on to grandmother #2, my mother's mother. A most Godly woman, my "Granny", as she is called, had an utter distaste for words used for bowel movements and reliefs. Again following the pretense of #1, my grandmother had to find the most awkward and funny words to describe what can be serious situations...At first, it was giggly and funny, but what was not funny was as my sister and I got older, we were introduced to the word crap, which did not go over well with Granny, and not only were we scolded, but the guilt trip was laid on thick. Southern women don't say such words...we make cartoon names out of human waste.

5. "Apple Pie On the Mode"- Our silly version of our Granny's favorite desert, Apple Pie A la Mode
"Mo Mode"- again, a silly word created to mean Commode, otherwise known as toilet.
SENTENCE: "Granny eats APPLE PIE ON THE MODE on the MO MODE"

A grueling test of vocabulary, but yes, down in L.A. this was our form of entertainment. I believe that MO MODE came into circulation when we were little due to the fact that we could not say Commode or toilet. Describing dessert and the after effects of dessert proved quite a colorful conversation in my house!

6. "Be Ye Kind"- a bible verse that my grandmother abbreviated, in olde english, and refrained to me and my sister often.
SENTENCE: "Lauren, stop hitting your sister. I want you to repeat after me, 'BE YE KIND one to another...bla bla bla"...

Of course, my grandmother didn't use the bla bla bla. She finished out the verse, but the only part in which we had to refrain was BE YE KIND and just listen reverently to the rest. I would have rather been spanked for even now, in times of conflict, that phrase rings loudly in my ears. You know they say that repitition is a form of torture, and I am a firm believer in the same.

7. "dead and stinkin'"- a term to describe the possible fate of someone who has not returned one's call or attempts at communication.
SENTENCE: "Well since I didn't hear from you, I thought you were dead and stinkin' somewhere"

Yes, gruesome I know. It is the definate makings of a huge guilt trip. The thought of a family member "dead and stinking somewhere" is enough to make you call, no matter what.

8. G.R.I.T.S.- yes, the literal meaning, that delicious Southern breakfast food, but also the somewhat newer acronym of Girls Raised In The South.
SENTENCE: "No matter his geographical location, every man secretly wishes to marry a G.R.I.T. who cooks grits and eggs for breakfast, cleans the house until it shines and even mows the grass."

Yes, it is true. Southern women are known for their ability to keep their man satisfied. We cook a meat and vegetables dinner every night, run a cleanly/Godly household and if you are lucky, your woman will be out at the crack of dawn mowing the grass. That is a G.R.I.T., a southern woman who loves God, loves her family and has the grace and manners of the Old South. I have the privailage of being raised as a G.R.I.T. and altough I live in what is fastly becoming Yankee land in the heart of Dixie, Atlanta, I will hold fast to my southern upbringing.

9. "Pork and Bean Stuff"- the term for the weekly meal either my mother or sometimes my father made. Not exactly sure of it's contents other than Pork and Beans, but I do know that each time my father prepares it, it is "THE BEST PORK AND BEEN STUFF he has ever made".
SENTENCE: "For dinner we are having pear salad, pork and bean stuff and sweet tea."

A staple in the Stephenson household, much like mystery meat, it's contents are virtually unknown other than it's namesake, and the fact that the recipe was ever changing. I think maybe Pork and Bean stuff was pork and beans mixed with any left overs from the week and throw a little spice in and it is my father's "best pork and bean stuff" ever. I would suggest those weak of stomach or suffering from IBS steer clear of dinner invites when the above is on the menu!

So, now that I have completed my first of many STEPHENSON'S SOUTHERN VOCABULARY LIST, I hope that you have enjoyed it, found similarities or have something fun to add. This could get really out of control, and secretly that is what I hope for! This is my salute to the South, Alabama, Greenville and my dear sweet parents.

May you live long, eat Pork and Bean stuff every day and enjoy much Apple Pie on the Mode. May your daily presence be graced with G.R.I.T.S. and hopefully they won't cause too much Toodly Doo or Tinkle. May your ollies stay free from injury and if not, I suggest that you attend both Brotherhood Breakfast and Discipleship training and pray that God remedy the situation . Be Ye kind to one another and call your mother so that she doesn't think you are dead and stinkin somewhere.