A New Sense of PRIDE

A New Sense of PRIDE... Current mood: Bitter Sweet

I would consider this past weekend one of the most eye opening experiences of my life. I had the great fortune of attending the Atlanta PRIDE celebration with none other than the greatest date ever, Jonathan. Here is a brief summary of our events:

Saturday- attend events at Piedmont Park
- continue the festivities on the Midtown scene at Blakes and Wet Bar

Sunday- recover from Satuday's hangover with screwdrivers at a pre-parade brunch hosted by some of the most fabulous men that God created
- attend the renound Gay Pride Parade in Midtown

So that pretty much gives you a rough sketch of our adventures, now let's venture into the uncharted territory in which I found myself this weekend.

First off, let me say that attending the festival in Piedmont Park was my first of many eye opening experiences of the weekend. When we arrived, I immediately noticed the following:

1. There are many more african american lesbians than I had predicted
2. There are many lesbians that I mistook for gay men.
3. There were some of the most beautiful lesbians and HOTTEST gay men I had ever seen.

As we ventured toward the stage in the park, I saw lesbian women (I affectionately refer to them as dykes) who can throw a football further than any college quarterback I witnessed to date. I also saw women who had no shirt on and had their nipples painted over with a wide array of patterns and colors. This to me was interesting. I also saw all of these people doing what most heterosexual people do, just hanging out...they were sitting in tents watching the performances, throwing frisbees and footballs, talking and socializing with friends...the only thing that separated this from Bonneroo is a slightly less than amazing band lineup, a different sexual preferenc and slightly less drug use. This sparked the wheels turning in my head. I think that most heterosexuals that I know that do not have much interaction with the gay community have a lot of misconceptions. What I learned this weekend was this; Gay people are heterosexuals with an alternative sexual preference...that is all.

Case in point, "Richard". Shortly after leaving the park on Saturday we ventured down to Blake's. Blakes is a gay bar in the heart of Midtown that upon entrace, other than noticing there is an abnormal number of incredibly good looking men, is no different than any Irish pub or "hetero" bar I have ever been to. Upon entrance, pit stop at bathroom, then upstairs to find a great people watching seat, I was approached by the one, the only..."Richard". Now, up until this point, I felt like the little kid with the hot pink sequined dress on at church that everyone walks past and says, "Awe, how cute...she dressed herself.." When Richard came along, I thought that by chance, I had located the one straight man in the entire bar (which I somehow have a habit of doing...strange isn't it?). Richard was the picture of Alabama frat boys on a Gameday...right down to the croakies and New Balance tennis shoes...he had the hair and everything...and when I heard him say, "LETS GET WASTED...WHO WANTS ANOTHER MILLER LITE?" my heart fluttered. Richard was so funny and as we sat and chatted, I just assumed that since he came up to me and struck up a conversation, he was straight. Sadly, I was wrong. Richard began telling me the story of his coming out and I felt my heart sink. This was one of the first times in my life that I have ever felt a spark for a man who I later found out was gay. WOW...this is mind blowing. You always assume that you will be able to tell. You may say to yourself, "Lauren, you were in a gay bar, what did you expect?" And I say to you, things are not always as they seem. The one thing I learned this weekend is this, you've always got to ask. There is a stereotype that all gay men are flaming queens that run around criticizing people's choice in shoes and sprinkling fairy dust on their "Fag Hags" (of which I am PROUD to wear the title. To me, this is a term of endearment and such an Honor...). There is a whole different level to gay men that most people do not take the time to experience. Richard was gay, that is not up for discussion, but do you think that he treated me any less than a lady? He opened car doors for me and bought me drinks at the bar and treated me with nothing less than the utmost of respect. I was so impressed and as I sat and looked at Richard out on the dance floor, my heart sank...why couldn't he just love ME? Why does he have to be gay?

This brings me to my second point. I am now fully convinced, if for some reason I was not before (?), that being gay is genetic. Gay men do not even have the instinctual inclination to look at a girl's boobs or to check out her ass...genetically, the drive is not there. Believe me, I have tried to catch the attention of many gay men, and it is like I get a pat on the head and a "You are so cute". It is so frusterating to me because of the simple fact that the gay men I know are some of the best men I know. They have amazing jobs, are pretty much the NICEST guys I know, are so caring and honest and clean and well dressed and have such a depth and understanding that I have yet to find in the heterosexual male. I have come to grips with the face that I am eternally doomed to love me that are incapable of loving me back in the way I want to be loved.
So fast forward to Sunday. Jonathan and I attend a brunch before the parade. Many friends of the hosts arrived and as they trapsed through the door, I was wondering when the processional of male supermodels was going to stop. These men were beautiful. I mean absolutely the most beautiful men I have ever seen in my life, honestly, no exaggeration. As they filed in, each bringing an amazing caserole or fruit or something incredibly delicious that most hetero men could not even fathom cooking, I began to realize something. Gay men have groups of friends and social circles, just the same as hetero men. You see, up until this point in my life, I have lived in small towns were there were one or two gay men and they usually didn't get along with each other, so I have never witnessed a group of gay men that get together and hang out much like many of my guy and girl friends do. It was amazing. They go out to the bars together, and though there were maybe a few of them that had a wild night with one of the others, what hetero group of friends hasn't? There are always groups of friends where the lines are blurred between what went down the night that him and her got drunk and left the bar together...that exists in any circle. But what was so amazing is that the men assembled in that room were not social outcasts, not random nobodies, they were guys who had amazing corporate jobs, amazing friendships and such normal lives. I don't know quite what I had expected, but I was just blown away. Needless to say, I was envious that I was not even in the cosideration pool for their dating pleasures...not even close. Even though they joked about the one or two guys that had slept with a girl ONE time A LONG TIME AGO...I couldn't help feeling a sinking in my heart again. It is the most helpless feeling in the world, I swear.

We made it down to the parade and it was just amazing. I think my favorite part was the "DYKES ON BIKES" when they rode through to kick off the parade. I got chills when the floats rode by and people had such a sense of "pride". I consider it my generation's equivalent to the Civil Rights Movement. I witnessed a piece of history and I am such the better for it. Through the course of the parade, we proceeded to drink heavily and have such an amazing time. I fell in love with David and Nathan. They are both pretty much the sum total of everything I am looking for in a mate. Besides the fact they they are unbelieveable gorgeous, have such amazing personalities and senses of humor, sexy as hell and are just the most fun people to party with, they are perfect. I was borderline harrassing them, I think, to at least give me a chance...I could prove to them I could be what they needed...there was no convincing these two, but I will be damed if I didn't give it a fair shot! I experienced acts of kindness that day that I have never experienced before. I witnessed a spirit of unity and respect that up until that point, I believed was only fairytale. It was as if it were almost too much for me and I began to cry. I cried to think that I would never have a chance to truly love some of the best guys I have ever met. That the guy of my dreams is someone that is completely out of my grasp. It is heartbreaking...really.

As I came home and reflected on the experience, I was so glad to be a part of Atlanta's PRIDE weekend. It was not so much to me a celebration of gay and lesbian rights or a rally in pursuit of them, it was a celebration of love. I am truly convinced, now more than ever, that being gay is something that is not socially motivated it is the way people are born. I met men this weekend who were confident in who and what they were and displayed an amazing amount of PRIDE in that.

Amen.