After the success of my first blog on my family’s Southern vocabulary, I decided to open the table for discussion, entries and inspiration during my Thanksgiving break at home. It was quite the entertaining conversation recalling all of the quirky phrases that are more than common place in my home and I have now officially decided that anyone who comes to visit must read both lists in order to keep up in conversation. So really, as embarrassing as it may be, it is my duty. No self respecting Southern woman would treat a house guest without the utmost respect, so out of my southern graces, I give you this second list.
1. Dob- the process of applying Noxema to your face
SENTENCE: Bub, you just need to dob the Noxema directly on the zits.
My father coined this word during my brother’s pubescent phase of life. He was constantly on him about having good skin. Apparently that trickled down to me and my sister and to this day, a pump of Noxema can be found in my sister’s shower. Noxema is not just a product, it is a way of life.
2. Grandma Grace- your imaginary grandmother whose sole job was to maintain your seat should you decide to get up. You can reclaim your seat at any time, as long as you have asked Grandma Grace to save it. Grandma Grace has the ability to save your seat for hours, days, weeks and months
SENTENCE: I have got to go to the bathroom. Grandma Grace save my place.
Yes, good old Grandma Grace. I believe that it was my brother who introduced my sister and me to Grandma Grace. Grandma Grace has held every seat in and out of my house, car and wherever else we found ourselves as kids. The thing that always bugged me about Grandma Grace is that you can never dispute her. And I believe the rules did state that it was the honor code on whether you called upon Grandma Grace or not before you got up. She is a fair and just lady.
3. The Red Plate- a “special” red plate that one is only allowed to eat on in special occasions such as birthdays, good grades, hard days and anniversaries. The plate was rimmed in the words “YOU ARE SPECIAL”.
SENTENCE: Since today is your birthday, you get to eat off the Red Plate tonight.
The Red Plate was a prize, oh yes it was, or was it? It let all of the people at the table, a.k.a your family that spends day in and day out with you anyway, that it was your birthday (in case they forgot!) or that you made an A on your spelling test or that you had a really hard day. Somehow the pork and bean stuff looked a lot better on that red plate.
4. stinkerbell- the generic name given to any perfume
SENTENCE: Okay, we’re in the car and somebody sprayed the stinkerbell.
Stinkerbell. The term originated from a perfume that little girls wear, or wore back in my day, called “Tinkerbell”, which smelled like a mixture of cat pee and steamed broccoli. It was an awful odor and it drove my father crazy, especially when someone applied it while in the car. From then on, any lotion, perfume or body splash, no matter how inviting, was forever labeled “stinkerbell”.
5. trolls- children
SENTENCE: Yeah I am out running errands today with the trolls.
It just sounds bad, but my sister and I found it endearing. It was always good for a hearty laugh, plus, at a young age, my sister and I did resemble trolls, so I guess it was fitting.
6. briars- eyebrows
SENTENCE: I need to get to that mirror with good light so I can pluck my briars.
Yes, this is southern dialect at its finest. This is a term frequently used by Granny when speaking of the way she religiously plucked her eyebrows each morning, and I do mean EACH MORNING.
7. “Stranded… (sing the song)”- This was usually preceded by the following conversation:
“Mom, I am out of toilet paper, can you bring me some?” say I.
“You gotta sing the song.” she replied.
“But Mom I am serious. I am not singing that song.”
“ Well then you don’t get the paper.”
And the song went like this:
Stranded, Stranded on the toilet bowl.
What do you do when you’re stranded,
And you don’t have a roll.
You must prove you’re a man,
You must wipe with your hand.
Stranded, Stranded on the toilet bowl.
Yes this is a sick form of torture. The last thing you want when you are out of toilet paper is to have to sing some idiotic song just to EARN your new role. I soon began checking the status of the toilet paper before I even ascended the throne. The only times I got caught were emergencies. The worst is when I found myself in a public restroom with no toilet paper and asked my mom to pass some under the stall. You guessed it, she made me sing it. Torture and Humiliation, I tell you. Torture and Humiliation.
8. fandangos- the over sized bucked teeth that run on my dad’s side of the family.
SENTENCE: Have you brushed those fandangos today?
The curse of the fandangos was inescapable for me and my sister. We were cursed with the biggest buckiest front teeth in the history of Alabama. I believe we got an extra dollar (yes a whole extra DOLLAR) from the tooth fairy when those two front ones came out. It was a blessed day in the Stephenson household when my mother went to work for a dentist. That enabled us to get our fandangos fixed and now we have beautifully straightened oversized teeth. When I was little, I stretched the truth a bit and told myself that a lot of models have big teeth and that made me feel better.
9. big quarter- a 25 cent piece, not two dimes and a nickel or five nickels
SENTENCE: No Daddy, I need a big quarter.
A childhood blunder, but so cute and sincere. My sister, before she realized that there were more avenues to twenty-five cents other than a quarter, when given two dimes and a nickel requested that she exchange it for a “big quarter”. Of course, now that her mental math capabilities are professional grade, she no longer relies on the big quarter philosophy in life.
10. tissy- a fuss
SENTENCE: You have just worked yourself into a tissy over nothing.
A some-what common Southern term that was and still is frequently used in our household. I believe it was more frequently used when my and my sister’s college careers overlapped, because I think one or the both of us called my mother in a “tissy” every day.
11. Lemonsine, Barracuda- the names given to two of my father’s cars.
SENTENCE: That old Lemonsine was nice, but this new Barracuda is a smooth ride.
I believe that the Lemonsine was named accordingly due to the fact that it was a lemon color, but also because as I recall, it was always broken. The Barracuda was a spawn of Granny’s lack of memory on what kind of car my father had just bought. I believe it was a Baretta but she was a little confused and called it a “barracuda”.
12. Indian Spirits (sometimes known as just “the spirits”)- somewhat of a haunting smell; an air freshener that not only cancelled out any smell in an 18 mile radius of where it was sprayed, it also doubled as a murder weapon that was capable of suffocating the victim to death
SENTENCE: Who just got out of the bathroom and forgot to spray the spirits?
Brutal. This “air freshener” when sprayed evoked a spiritual experience because you were sure that you would rather leave this life than endure the wrath of the spirits. I think it did more to pollute the air than freshen it. I believe that there were several times I was rendered unconscious by suffocation by the “haunting” aroma of the spirits.
13. Cantada- a fancy word for a church Christmas musical, includes singing and spoken word
SENTENCE: Did you hear my new practice tape for our Christmas Cantada?
Yes, I heard the tape on the only tape player left in America. It is the same tape I swear I have been listening to for the past 25 years, but my father swears differently. I never had the heart to tell him that I did look forward to the Christmas Cantada every year only because that was one Sunday that I could count on not having a long winded sermon to color and pass notes through. I have not attended the annual Christmas Cantada in several years, but I am not sure that I am sad about that.
14. deet deeter- noun that can describe either a cashier or the cash register itself.
SENTENCE: I will be the customer and you be the deet deeter.
Funny, how when you are little, imaginations run wild and you somehow desire to be the “deet deeter” at every store you go to. My sister and I, as I look at it now, made admirably attainable goals as children, since we wanted to grow up and be a deet deeter, and I should say we have well surpassed our goals.
15. hogly wogly- code word for the local grocery chain called Piggly Wiggly
SENTENCE: I am just going to run down to the hogly wogly and pick up some eggs.
We had to humor ourselves somehow, after all, we were raised in L.A. As a matter of fact, I was (and believe I still am) in the super saver club at Piggly Wiggly.
16. barhonica- harmonica
SENTENCE: Mommy, I want a barhonica for Christmas.
My adult dyslexia apparently showed warning signs as a child. I thought the enchanting sounds that came out of that barhonica was the sweetest sound I had ever heard. Even now, I still have an ear for blue grass every now and again.
17. hike your duke- the act of getting into a car, or any elevated location
SENTENCE: That truck is really high off the ground, I am not sure I can hike my duke up there.
Yes, you read that right. This came from my mother. I am not sure where she picked it up or if her sick sense of humor manifested this phrase, but it is grotesque and vulgar and quite the conversation piece.
So when you coming over for dinner? I suggest you spend quality time looking over this and the previous list, we expect our dinner guests to not only show up for dinner but have a good conversation on hand.
Showing posts with label southern words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label southern words. Show all posts
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Vocabulary Lesson from a Southern Home
Vocabulary from the Stephenson's Southern Home
Recently, I began reading a book by the late Lewis Grizzard, an Atlanta columnist who spent his life defending southern customs, verbage and way of life from the dreaded yankees. The book entitled SOUTHERN BY THE GRACE OF GOD is absolutely delightful and in a world that seems to be trying to erradicate any trace of Southern pride and hospitality, it is refreshing to know that in Lewis Grizzard's column we Soutehrners found solice.
After reading a few chapters, I began reflecting on my own life growing up in L.A. (Southerns are aware of this abreviation, if you are not, then you do not deserve to know...) and the sayings and phrases that were unique to our household and that of our city and the South. Many of you will not find this humorous, and that is okay. My sister and I will get quite the laugh out of it, so it is not for naught.
The best way to introduce and explain these terms is to define the word, use it in a sentence then give a brief explaination.
1. "OLLIE"- the name our Aunt Carol, who babysat us growing up, designated for the male private parts.
Sentence: "It looks like he has a little diaper rash just left of his ollie "...
Of course, growing up in the South, and more specifically the "bible belt", we were never taught to call things there by their real names, scientific names or anything that resembled a vulgar word. So we scrape the bottom of the dictionary barrel for the most awkward and funny sounding word to make a joke of a very serious male part. If you can't find humor in diaper rash, what can you find humor in?
2. "Brotherhood Breakfast" and "Discipleship Training"- fancy words for male breakfast before church and the night version of Sunday School...another term that might need definition. SENTENCE: "We missed you at Brotherhood Breakfast this morning, but I hope to see you in Discipleship Training tonight".
You see, my sister and I, growing up as "PK"s (which I believe is a Yankee term for children of the preacher) were pretty much in the church every time the doors were open. I suspect that if a Northerner heard us talking about Brotherhood Breakfasts and Dicipleship traning classes they would wonder how the Klan got affiliated with the church, but it is quite the contrary. Just wanted to clear up a possible misunderstanding...
3. "Memaw"- the name designated to one of my grandmothers
SENTENCE- "Memaw died many years ago and we still miss her"
I am not quite sure how the naming comes about, whether she chose it for herself or it was given to her, but that was the name given to my father's mother. My sister and I grew up in her apartment amidst the smoking while on an oxygen machine. Those times are irreplaceable. Good old Memaw.
4. "Toodly Doo" and "Tinkle"- poop and pee respectively
SENTENCE: "Do you have to toodly doo or tinkle?"
So, on to grandmother #2, my mother's mother. A most Godly woman, my "Granny", as she is called, had an utter distaste for words used for bowel movements and reliefs. Again following the pretense of #1, my grandmother had to find the most awkward and funny words to describe what can be serious situations...At first, it was giggly and funny, but what was not funny was as my sister and I got older, we were introduced to the word crap, which did not go over well with Granny, and not only were we scolded, but the guilt trip was laid on thick. Southern women don't say such words...we make cartoon names out of human waste.
5. "Apple Pie On the Mode"- Our silly version of our Granny's favorite desert, Apple Pie A la Mode
"Mo Mode"- again, a silly word created to mean Commode, otherwise known as toilet.
SENTENCE: "Granny eats APPLE PIE ON THE MODE on the MO MODE"
A grueling test of vocabulary, but yes, down in L.A. this was our form of entertainment. I believe that MO MODE came into circulation when we were little due to the fact that we could not say Commode or toilet. Describing dessert and the after effects of dessert proved quite a colorful conversation in my house!
6. "Be Ye Kind"- a bible verse that my grandmother abbreviated, in olde english, and refrained to me and my sister often.
SENTENCE: "Lauren, stop hitting your sister. I want you to repeat after me, 'BE YE KIND one to another...bla bla bla"...
Of course, my grandmother didn't use the bla bla bla. She finished out the verse, but the only part in which we had to refrain was BE YE KIND and just listen reverently to the rest. I would have rather been spanked for even now, in times of conflict, that phrase rings loudly in my ears. You know they say that repitition is a form of torture, and I am a firm believer in the same.
7. "dead and stinkin'"- a term to describe the possible fate of someone who has not returned one's call or attempts at communication.
SENTENCE: "Well since I didn't hear from you, I thought you were dead and stinkin' somewhere"
Yes, gruesome I know. It is the definate makings of a huge guilt trip. The thought of a family member "dead and stinking somewhere" is enough to make you call, no matter what.
8. G.R.I.T.S.- yes, the literal meaning, that delicious Southern breakfast food, but also the somewhat newer acronym of Girls Raised In The South.
SENTENCE: "No matter his geographical location, every man secretly wishes to marry a G.R.I.T. who cooks grits and eggs for breakfast, cleans the house until it shines and even mows the grass."
Yes, it is true. Southern women are known for their ability to keep their man satisfied. We cook a meat and vegetables dinner every night, run a cleanly/Godly household and if you are lucky, your woman will be out at the crack of dawn mowing the grass. That is a G.R.I.T., a southern woman who loves God, loves her family and has the grace and manners of the Old South. I have the privailage of being raised as a G.R.I.T. and altough I live in what is fastly becoming Yankee land in the heart of Dixie, Atlanta, I will hold fast to my southern upbringing.
9. "Pork and Bean Stuff"- the term for the weekly meal either my mother or sometimes my father made. Not exactly sure of it's contents other than Pork and Beans, but I do know that each time my father prepares it, it is "THE BEST PORK AND BEEN STUFF he has ever made".
SENTENCE: "For dinner we are having pear salad, pork and bean stuff and sweet tea."
A staple in the Stephenson household, much like mystery meat, it's contents are virtually unknown other than it's namesake, and the fact that the recipe was ever changing. I think maybe Pork and Bean stuff was pork and beans mixed with any left overs from the week and throw a little spice in and it is my father's "best pork and bean stuff" ever. I would suggest those weak of stomach or suffering from IBS steer clear of dinner invites when the above is on the menu!
So, now that I have completed my first of many STEPHENSON'S SOUTHERN VOCABULARY LIST, I hope that you have enjoyed it, found similarities or have something fun to add. This could get really out of control, and secretly that is what I hope for! This is my salute to the South, Alabama, Greenville and my dear sweet parents.
May you live long, eat Pork and Bean stuff every day and enjoy much Apple Pie on the Mode. May your daily presence be graced with G.R.I.T.S. and hopefully they won't cause too much Toodly Doo or Tinkle. May your ollies stay free from injury and if not, I suggest that you attend both Brotherhood Breakfast and Discipleship training and pray that God remedy the situation . Be Ye kind to one another and call your mother so that she doesn't think you are dead and stinkin somewhere.
Recently, I began reading a book by the late Lewis Grizzard, an Atlanta columnist who spent his life defending southern customs, verbage and way of life from the dreaded yankees. The book entitled SOUTHERN BY THE GRACE OF GOD is absolutely delightful and in a world that seems to be trying to erradicate any trace of Southern pride and hospitality, it is refreshing to know that in Lewis Grizzard's column we Soutehrners found solice.
After reading a few chapters, I began reflecting on my own life growing up in L.A. (Southerns are aware of this abreviation, if you are not, then you do not deserve to know...) and the sayings and phrases that were unique to our household and that of our city and the South. Many of you will not find this humorous, and that is okay. My sister and I will get quite the laugh out of it, so it is not for naught.
The best way to introduce and explain these terms is to define the word, use it in a sentence then give a brief explaination.
1. "OLLIE"- the name our Aunt Carol, who babysat us growing up, designated for the male private parts.
Sentence: "It looks like he has a little diaper rash just left of his ollie "...
Of course, growing up in the South, and more specifically the "bible belt", we were never taught to call things there by their real names, scientific names or anything that resembled a vulgar word. So we scrape the bottom of the dictionary barrel for the most awkward and funny sounding word to make a joke of a very serious male part. If you can't find humor in diaper rash, what can you find humor in?
2. "Brotherhood Breakfast" and "Discipleship Training"- fancy words for male breakfast before church and the night version of Sunday School...another term that might need definition. SENTENCE: "We missed you at Brotherhood Breakfast this morning, but I hope to see you in Discipleship Training tonight".
You see, my sister and I, growing up as "PK"s (which I believe is a Yankee term for children of the preacher) were pretty much in the church every time the doors were open. I suspect that if a Northerner heard us talking about Brotherhood Breakfasts and Dicipleship traning classes they would wonder how the Klan got affiliated with the church, but it is quite the contrary. Just wanted to clear up a possible misunderstanding...
3. "Memaw"- the name designated to one of my grandmothers
SENTENCE- "Memaw died many years ago and we still miss her"
I am not quite sure how the naming comes about, whether she chose it for herself or it was given to her, but that was the name given to my father's mother. My sister and I grew up in her apartment amidst the smoking while on an oxygen machine. Those times are irreplaceable. Good old Memaw.
4. "Toodly Doo" and "Tinkle"- poop and pee respectively
SENTENCE: "Do you have to toodly doo or tinkle?"
So, on to grandmother #2, my mother's mother. A most Godly woman, my "Granny", as she is called, had an utter distaste for words used for bowel movements and reliefs. Again following the pretense of #1, my grandmother had to find the most awkward and funny words to describe what can be serious situations...At first, it was giggly and funny, but what was not funny was as my sister and I got older, we were introduced to the word crap, which did not go over well with Granny, and not only were we scolded, but the guilt trip was laid on thick. Southern women don't say such words...we make cartoon names out of human waste.
5. "Apple Pie On the Mode"- Our silly version of our Granny's favorite desert, Apple Pie A la Mode
"Mo Mode"- again, a silly word created to mean Commode, otherwise known as toilet.
SENTENCE: "Granny eats APPLE PIE ON THE MODE on the MO MODE"
A grueling test of vocabulary, but yes, down in L.A. this was our form of entertainment. I believe that MO MODE came into circulation when we were little due to the fact that we could not say Commode or toilet. Describing dessert and the after effects of dessert proved quite a colorful conversation in my house!
6. "Be Ye Kind"- a bible verse that my grandmother abbreviated, in olde english, and refrained to me and my sister often.
SENTENCE: "Lauren, stop hitting your sister. I want you to repeat after me, 'BE YE KIND one to another...bla bla bla"...
Of course, my grandmother didn't use the bla bla bla. She finished out the verse, but the only part in which we had to refrain was BE YE KIND and just listen reverently to the rest. I would have rather been spanked for even now, in times of conflict, that phrase rings loudly in my ears. You know they say that repitition is a form of torture, and I am a firm believer in the same.
7. "dead and stinkin'"- a term to describe the possible fate of someone who has not returned one's call or attempts at communication.
SENTENCE: "Well since I didn't hear from you, I thought you were dead and stinkin' somewhere"
Yes, gruesome I know. It is the definate makings of a huge guilt trip. The thought of a family member "dead and stinking somewhere" is enough to make you call, no matter what.
8. G.R.I.T.S.- yes, the literal meaning, that delicious Southern breakfast food, but also the somewhat newer acronym of Girls Raised In The South.
SENTENCE: "No matter his geographical location, every man secretly wishes to marry a G.R.I.T. who cooks grits and eggs for breakfast, cleans the house until it shines and even mows the grass."
Yes, it is true. Southern women are known for their ability to keep their man satisfied. We cook a meat and vegetables dinner every night, run a cleanly/Godly household and if you are lucky, your woman will be out at the crack of dawn mowing the grass. That is a G.R.I.T., a southern woman who loves God, loves her family and has the grace and manners of the Old South. I have the privailage of being raised as a G.R.I.T. and altough I live in what is fastly becoming Yankee land in the heart of Dixie, Atlanta, I will hold fast to my southern upbringing.
9. "Pork and Bean Stuff"- the term for the weekly meal either my mother or sometimes my father made. Not exactly sure of it's contents other than Pork and Beans, but I do know that each time my father prepares it, it is "THE BEST PORK AND BEEN STUFF he has ever made".
SENTENCE: "For dinner we are having pear salad, pork and bean stuff and sweet tea."
A staple in the Stephenson household, much like mystery meat, it's contents are virtually unknown other than it's namesake, and the fact that the recipe was ever changing. I think maybe Pork and Bean stuff was pork and beans mixed with any left overs from the week and throw a little spice in and it is my father's "best pork and bean stuff" ever. I would suggest those weak of stomach or suffering from IBS steer clear of dinner invites when the above is on the menu!
So, now that I have completed my first of many STEPHENSON'S SOUTHERN VOCABULARY LIST, I hope that you have enjoyed it, found similarities or have something fun to add. This could get really out of control, and secretly that is what I hope for! This is my salute to the South, Alabama, Greenville and my dear sweet parents.
May you live long, eat Pork and Bean stuff every day and enjoy much Apple Pie on the Mode. May your daily presence be graced with G.R.I.T.S. and hopefully they won't cause too much Toodly Doo or Tinkle. May your ollies stay free from injury and if not, I suggest that you attend both Brotherhood Breakfast and Discipleship training and pray that God remedy the situation . Be Ye kind to one another and call your mother so that she doesn't think you are dead and stinkin somewhere.
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